To Work, or Not To Work?

That seems to be the question, at least of some moms I know.  When Harper was around 10 months, I started having a freak out moment.  What am I doing with my life?  When I was younger, I was going to be a career woman, a designer, but now I'm just a mom/wife, what good is that?  I was up to my elbows in dirty diapers and laundry and a messy house.  So Ryan and I decided, maybe it was time I went back to work.  Of course about a day later we found out we were pregnant, so I got a contract job filling in for someone on maternity leave.

Don't get me wrong, I lucked out on jobs.  I have to hop over a little putting thing to get to my desk, most of the team I'm on spends a lot of time playing fuse ball in the ping pong room.  Last Friday we spent most of the day drinking beer (I was trying to avoid the smell) and playing minute to win it (I got best time on stacking 6 dice on a knife in my mouth, be impressed) and they are pretty lenient about when we get to and leave work.  It has also been nice being noticed for talents beyond that of my dish washing and baby wrangling, and talking shop (photoshop anywho) with someone on my same level.  But... I have discovered, that I hate it!

I see my kid perhaps two hours a day, and I miss her to the point that my heart is breaking, my weekends are filled with getting caught up on all my other work and chores, so I have 0 free time.  I have discovered that I am a mom... and that is all I want to be.  I want to bake the cookies and go on play dates and have dinner on the table at 6 pm.  That is my life, and it took me doing something else, to find out how much I cherish it.  I understand that some women have to work, and that they would not be happy without a career, and that in turn would make them bad moms.  I also understand that we will never have a ton of money... but Harper won't remember getting dropped off in a Mitsubishi rather than a Lexus.  She will remember having a parent who always has time for her no matter what.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Even though I am counting down the days until this contract is up, I am so glad I took it.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have discovered to appreciate what I have, and how lucky I am.  I will always have a few clients, Lota and Co and other projects to keep my designer side happy.  And perhaps when my kids are in school and gone most of the day... I will revisit the career idea.  But for now, I am a professional mom and wife... and I couldn't be happier.